This coming weekend is Maximum Efficiency Crew‘s 12 year anniversary. If you’ve been following this blog from time, you’ll remember that I did photo coverage of their weekend long festivities last year. It’s crazy to reminisce upon last year’s anniversary — it was unexpectedly one of the dopest weekends I’ve ever had in Toronto. Insane battles, crazy parties, and too many laughs. The MEC boys have truly become my homebways. Every Granby Mansion jam, every party I work at in this city, these boys are always there to support and come through. I’ve had enough drunken real talk love talk moments with these guys and I know if I ever needed anyone to be roughed up, I have them to call. (Although, I would never want to inflict physical pain upon anyone as a means of retaliation, it’s nice to know I have that potential option. Lol.)

“Having the faith to Love truly is your fight.

The fight often goes unnoticed, and is a passion can so easily burn you out. I don’t know anyone with same amount of raw passion. Everytime you type “Lovehard” I feel you. Its real. Its wholehearted. You always “say yes” if it is to love. So when Andrea Gibson says, “this is for saying yes”, I think to myself, “This is for Char”. – Nate Gerber

Someone wrote this to me this morning while sending me a Youtube video of Andrea Gibson’s poem “Say Yes”. I was sent this poem a few weeks back from another person, but it really hit home for me particularly today. It was really a moment from the Universe. To think, my innermost thoughts and feelings, unarticulated, being reached out to me through someone whom I’ve never had any close relations to. That is work of the Divine. When these moments happen in life, we cannot ignore it, we cannot downplay it. It is something truly Extraordinary.

Always Saying “Yes” to Love is not easy. I am in constant battle with myself in continually choosing to have the Courage to Love. This battle is unrelenting… and well, simply put, F*ck, MAN… Love is f*cking hard sometimes. It confuses me. One minute I feel like I have a grasp on what Love is, and the next minute that idea is yanked out of my hands and I’m left feeling befuddled once more. I want to stand up for What I Want. I want to stand up for What I Know I Deserve. I want to Love and Be Loved. Because Lord knows, I sure know how to give it.

Too many times in the past have I loved on those who could not handle my Love. It’s too much and too extraordinary. I’ve learned over time how to hold back. I’ve learned over time how to keep my mouth shut, keep my true desires unspoken and locked up in the ventricles and atriums of my heart. I’ve learned over time how to be Careful. I bleed and I heal, I bleed and I heal, stronger and harder every single time… Yet it’s still there. This burning intensity to want to Love on someone who burns just as bright, loves just as freely, loves just as ferociously as Me.

And so I am… Burnt out. Burnt out from giving and loving and believing and hoping and fighting… always fighting for this thing called Love. But, Love is Ever Abundant, isn’t it? It’s supposed to come springing out of wells, and gushing out like waterfalls, no? Yes. Love IS Ever Abundant, but the fight for Love is Ever Constant… And the world continues to war with each other over money and land, when the true battle worth fighting is the one for Love.

I won’t stop. I will come around, once again. I always do. Even though today, I am tired, I know I will not stop fighting. The cause will always be too Great. Too Great.

For now… this Love is for Me. Only for Me.

I’ve spoken my piece.
Peace.

Fear is not a friend, yet he lingers, hangs around, waits for an opportunity to leech onto anything great that’s about to happen and plots to sabotage it. All he needs is a foothold, all he needs is your ear to listen, all he needs is you to believe in the lie that Love is Not Abundant.

I hate when I make decisions influenced by Fear. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel Free. I feel so uncomfortably Safe, and worst of all, I am in denial of it. I am in denial of my own regret. Fear is not a friend, yet he’s always there. I can’t shake him off.

And then I remember that Courage is a Choice. In the presence of Fear, to choose to do what I’m most afraid of, is Courage. I feel so uncomfortably dangerous and unsure and excited  and willing to take the chance to fall. Fall hard, Fall fast.

And then I remember that Strength and Wisdom is the fruit of Courage. I remember that I am much stronger than I think. I am much stronger than Fear tells me.

I do not want to be afraid of Who I Know I Am. I do not want to be afraid to Love the Way I Want to Love. Even if that means it’s not returned. Even if that means I am rejected.

I refuse to be selfish with This Love. Selfishness comes from poverty in the heart. True Starvation. Selfishness comes from the belief that Love is Not Abundant.

Because it Is. Love is Ever Abundant.

And I want to give it freely. I want to give it openly. I want to give it furiously.

I’m afraid You can’t handle it. But I don’t want that assumption to hold me back anymore.

I will Love with Abandon. I will Love in Abundance. I will Lovehard because there is no better, or more exhilarating, or more nerve wracking, or more Fulfilling… way to Love.

I’ve spoken my piece.
Peace.

[Miss Carmela Antonio and I at her private Paper Dolls EP Release Party!]

Here’s another video part of our Carmela Antonio Sessions! We filmed this back during Michael’s birthday anniversary, and wanted to do a special tribute to him. I love this. I love Carmela’s rendition of this song. Video after the jump, enjoy!

I have recently come into possession of an iPhone 4. Let’s just say it was as if I was born Yesterday. Mind you, I was on a Blackberry Pearl from 3 years ago. Yup, the scroll was still pretty prevalent in my life. Needless to say, this upgrade is stupendous. With that being said, Instagram is the perfect social networking tool for me. I heart it more than Facebook, I heart it more than twitter. Therefore, if you have Instagram, follow me at charloro.

For those of you who can’t, I shall post a photo-recap of my day. See? Something for everyone. I don’t discriminate ;P (But really, you should consider the upgrade. iPhone 4 LYFE!!!!)

[I am garnering support. Please donate Post-its from your office to me. I am poor student. Post-its Vewwwyy Expensive. Shouts to Sean Carson from RSU for the hook up!!]

— If you are on Instagram, find me at charloro — I post constantly. I love it > twitter > Facebook > wordpress. iPhone ALL THE WAY!!!!