Burnt Out.

“Having the faith to Love truly is your fight.

The fight often goes unnoticed, and is a passion can so easily burn you out. I don’t know anyone with same amount of raw passion. Everytime you type “Lovehard” I feel you. Its real. Its wholehearted. You always “say yes” if it is to love. So when Andrea Gibson says, “this is for saying yes”, I think to myself, “This is for Char”. – Nate Gerber

Someone wrote this to me this morning while sending me a Youtube video of Andrea Gibson’s poem “Say Yes”. I was sent this poem a few weeks back from another person, but it really hit home for me particularly today. It was really a moment from the Universe. To think, my innermost thoughts and feelings, unarticulated, being reached out to me through someone whom I’ve never had any close relations to. That is work of the Divine. When these moments happen in life, we cannot ignore it, we cannot downplay it. It is something truly Extraordinary.

Always Saying “Yes” to Love is not easy. I am in constant battle with myself in continually choosing to have the Courage to Love. This battle is unrelenting… and well, simply put, F*ck, MAN… Love is f*cking hard sometimes. It confuses me. One minute I feel like I have a grasp on what Love is, and the next minute that idea is yanked out of my hands and I’m left feeling befuddled once more. I want to stand up for What I Want. I want to stand up for What I Know I Deserve. I want to Love and Be Loved. Because Lord knows, I sure know how to give it.

Too many times in the past have I loved on those who could not handle my Love. It’s too much and too extraordinary. I’ve learned over time how to hold back. I’ve learned over time how to keep my mouth shut, keep my true desires unspoken and locked up in the ventricles and atriums of my heart. I’ve learned over time how to be Careful. I bleed and I heal, I bleed and I heal, stronger and harder every single time… Yet it’s still there. This burning intensity to want to Love on someone who burns just as bright, loves just as freely, loves just as ferociously as Me.

And so I am… Burnt out. Burnt out from giving and loving and believing and hoping and fighting… always fighting for this thing called Love. But, Love is Ever Abundant, isn’t it? It’s supposed to come springing out of wells, and gushing out like waterfalls, no? Yes. Love IS Ever Abundant, but the fight for Love is Ever Constant… And the world continues to war with each other over money and land, when the true battle worth fighting is the one for Love.

I won’t stop. I will come around, once again. I always do. Even though today, I am tired, I know I will not stop fighting. The cause will always be too Great. Too Great.

For now… this Love is for Me. Only for Me.

I’ve spoken my piece.

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