That’s just what it is, folks. The dating game is WACK.
One, they call it a ‘game‘ for a reason. For answers unbeknown to me, there is this unwritten code of rules you must follow in which you participate in this ‘adventure’, if you will, and you either come out the ‘loser’ or the ‘winner’. It’s this push and pull, tug-of-war, reverse psychology bullsh*t that two individuals play with one another… to what?? Make yourself feel ‘on top’ and the ‘dumper’ not the ‘dumpee’? Let’s get real. Nobody likes being ‘that guy’ on the receiving end. And by ‘receiving’, I really mean, receiving NOTHING. It’s a freaking FACT of life. In a relationship, it is ALWAYS 60-40, 70-30… it is RARELY ever 50-50. They say that the person who cares less has more power. “Power”… Why does there even have to be “power” OVER another? It makes me annoyed and sick. We are all just too consumed in our own egos and afraid of looking like the fool. Nobody wants to be rejected. Especially to their freaking face. So what do we do? We hide. We hide behind our silence, we hide behind our noses stuck up in the air, we hide behind our pride because we’re too afraid to just put our heart on a freaking stake and say, “HERE, OKAY. I LIKE YOU. And EVIDENTLY, YOU don’t like me as much as I like YOU. And THAT SUCKS.” It’s pointless in our minds to put ourselves through that uselessness.
… And then we move on. We make the conscious decision that we aren’t going to be hung up on this and… we MOVE ON.
Because life moves forward and when we come across things that make us stuck, it should be a really good indicator that it’s not meant for us anyhow.
It’s a matter of sucking it up and seeing past ourselves.
I just don’t think we should take it personal anymore. To put ourselves on pedestals and say, “YOU’RE BLIND. You DON’T SEE the QUEEN that I AM. Why HER? Why HIM? Don’t you see ME??” Heck, I’ve said that a COUNTLESS number of times. It was all for the sake of stroking my ego because it felt better than just accepting the fact that He isn’t for Me. It feels a whole lot better to be proud, bitter, and vengeful than to be sad and deal with our vulnerability.
It’s like we walk around and feel like we have this ‘right’ when we own and possess nothing. That’s why love is so complicated – we deal with too many confusing factors about ourselves, much more, in correspondence with another human. He doesn’t see me. He doesn’t value me the way I value myself. It’s not necessarily “his loss.” It’s a freaking shame in the moment, yes, but let’s think bigger picture. If this didn’t happen then I never would’ve met ____. I am a firm believer that life is a series of fortunate ‘accidents’ all intertwined for a greater purpose. To alter even the slightest happenstance, all down to even the second, could change EVERYTHING. It is EERIE and WEIRD and MAGICAL and REAL. Deal with this being part of the beauty of LIFE.
If there is any comfort I can find in being rejected, in feeling like a fool, in putting my heart out there and it not being received… it’s that I’m that much closer to experiencing something real.
So for now, I shall go about my daily routine. I’ll say hello, I’ll perhaps even give out my phone number. If I’m interested, I’ll definitely take down your phone number. And if I like you, I’ll either make it extremely obvious or I’ll say it. And if you don’t feel me, don’t treat me like I’m ‘THAT girl’. Be real and let’s all move on. Easier said than done, right?
Mmmm. Lauryn said it best, “It could all be so simple…”
I’ve spoken my piece.