Fighting.

It is so easy to lose faith. We put trust, hope and love into someone or something and the moment they show their imperfections and flaws, we question them, we doubt it. It’s inevitable though. Humans are a blemished species. We have the power to hurt, the power to destroy, and the power to destruct. It’s literally, earth shattering. What we don’t always embrace is the fact that we have equally as much power to do the exact opposite. We have the power to heal, the power to build, and the power to rise up against all odds.

I’m not going to front; I have allowed my lost faith in people and things the ability to create a realistic view of certain aspects in life. It’s made my heart hard.  Things are never the way they seem. From these experiences we are then taught to question everything, to guard ourselves, to build walls, and to keep our hearts hidden. You can look at it from two different perspectives – I’m being smart, wise, and rational, or, I’m being a cold, hard, pessimist.

I don’t know which to label myself, so I’d rather choose not to.

I actually don’t really think about it too much. I just am and I just be.

So then why? Why am I thinking about this right now?

I live with two incredible human beings. One of which is probably one of the most positive and loving people that I know. She is going through some really tough things. Some things I’ve gone through, and some I can only listen and experience through empathy. Today I listened to her speak nakedly of her anger, resentment, sadness and brokenness. It made me reflect and see that in many ways, I have lost faith. I have lost faith in the goodness of people. I have lost faith in the possibility of love.

Those are things I never want to give up. Those are things that are worth fighting for. Those are the things in life that have the power to move mountains and the power to create real and positive change.

I am a fighter to the very core. Always have been and always will. I never realized that that takes fighting for too.

It always comes back to it being all about choices. I choose to be open to possibilities. I choose to be open to love. This is why we have got to keep the faith. It’s there and it exists. Authenticity in people exists. Romance and true love exists. The idea that things are going to get better… it all exists.

So to this most wonderful and lovely person that I know, take this to heart. Your learnings and experiences, although painful and excruciating, are what are reminding me that this is what makes life dynamic and extraordinary. We are simply fighters in a battlefield, taking every step in the name of courage, striving for something real, something that’s attainable.

It is always worth it. It will always be worth it. Fighting to keep the Faith.

2 Comments »

  1. Glenda said,

    09/02/2009 @ 1:50 am

    love your deep thoughts mama

  2. Tara Rodas said,

    09/02/2009 @ 11:59 am

    I will be honest I do miss the Char that would burst into tears over things. Having those feelings is real. Loving passionately can be amazing even though it can have those down points. Of course there’s down points in order to have the ups right. It’s like if you get so hard and then have a down point from there? Daymn girl…that’d be lowwww. That’s my 5am nursing jamble. Love ya

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