A Blessing and a Curse

It’s what I’ve often referred to as being “a blessing and a curse”. An argument that I’d have with people, about possessing the characteristic of being so… ‘caring.’ (Now, I don’t say that to big myself up, or make it seem like I’m the nicest, most wonderful, and sweetest human being on the planet. In all truthfulness, I can definitely be an asshole, just ask all the people I’ve offended numerous times by forgetting their names, or all the people I’ve rubbed the wrong way by speaking before thinking! Lol.) Regardless of all my faults, there is one thing that I will admit to that has been the thorn in my side as much as it’s made me who I am… and that’s this unrelenting, bountiful, almost-near anxiety of caring so hard about the people around me.

Are you the type of person who likes to openly express how you feel about people, either verbally or through acts of kindness? Are you the type of person who just loves to hug and kiss and be affectionate? Are you the type of person who will be the first to come around after an argument or fight? The first to say ‘You’re Sorry?’ or can’t bear to have a disagreement or negativity with another person go beyond a day? Are you the one who takes¬†initiative¬†with always hanging out and making effort to keep in contact?

Relationship dynamics are interesting. I’m talking about all types of relationships: With your mom, your sister, brother, best friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. It’s never 50-50. 60-40, 80-20… and sometimes those numbers flip throughout time and dynamics change. It’s FRUSTRATING. It’s irritating to feel like reciprocation for your effort and care isn’t taking place. I hate sometimes how it feels like people take advantage of that about you! Sometimes you wanna just tell yourself not to care anymore, but in all honesty, trying to fight off the notion that you DON’T care, makes you care MORE. HA-HA. And then we alllll feel like we’re on crazy pills, folks.

Someone once told me, “The person who cares less, holds the power in the relationship.” Sad, but true. Because we’re human and we have this natural need for power, it feels good to have it and possess it. I think about this and I think about particular relationships I have where I feel like I’m that percentage below the 50 mark, and it makes me want to just CHOOSE not to care, so then if we’re both not caring so much, nobody gets hurt. Like I said folks, a Curse.

And then I think about how truly, truly sad that all is. A world of us incredible individuals with potential beyond our imaginations who just all of a sudden decided not to care so much, or decided that things didn’t matter as much as they used to. How… selfish. I have always believed that to act out of Love is always better than to choose actions out of Hurt, or Pain, or Resentment.

And this is where this becomes a ‘Blessing’ all over again. If you sometimes feel like how I feel, take it in, the world needs people like You. People who give a sh*t. And no matter how much sometimes it hurts you that you wish some people would care just a little more, you need to keep doing what is innately in you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful for being and doing exactly that. If one person won’t appreciate that about you, someone else will.

Maybe you’re reading this and you’re feeling that you are that person above the 50 mark… there are some relationships you’ve neglected or have brushed off their efforts. Pick up your phone and just call em. Say ‘Hey. Hi. I acknowledge You.‘ You’ll both feel great, believe me.

It’s a blessing and a curse… but really, choose to see it as a blessing. It’s what makes you Beautiful.

1 Comment »

  1. Evanna said,

    01/30/2011 @ 4:11 pm

    Amazing post Char. Gave me goosebumps all over. I love you and how much you love and care and love to care! It is so much braver to care, to do it regardless of who and how they reciprocate. Thanks for reminding me, you beautiful woman.

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